Nik, Marie,Halle, Owen, and Yorick

Nik Swift:
"As he left the building, Nik briefly noted the police cars pulling into the parking deck.
He shook his head, unsurprised. He reckoned that God had abandoned the town,
just as He had abandoned him."
““I realized that you’ll never want me and I am better off without you!” Nik slammed the phone down. With shaking hands, he lit a cigarette.”

•  He does not have the same enthusiasm as most people towards their lives 
•  Nik has created the image of tension with another person, maybe a partner? He noted the unwanted phone call.
•  Who was calling and why was he angered by this?
• Focus more on the story, not as much on the imagery. (But great details) Also it would be helpful to include more background information, that way the reader will get a sense of who you are.

Marie Rogers
"Marie thought nothing of what he was whispering, she was too caught up in her own sorrow. Another one had disappeared on her. No one else was stuck here like her."

“Marie walked through her door, through the crowd of people clogging the
hallway and flew down the stairs.”

• This starts to characterize Marie and hints at the reader that she could be a ghost. While other people do “fly” down the stairs Marie most likely literally flew down. She also walked through people which helps build her character as a ghost.
  
  
  “On the other side of the tape, there stood Mr. Evans, grief-stricken and hurt while staring at his own dead body.”
  She can also see other ghosts or spirits. This sentence shows that she can connect with other dead people even though some vanish. It uses good details to describe Mr. Evans.

• “Marie used to love music, the way the lyrics and the music came together to represent
• emotions in a way words never could.” - “Even Sayori and her annoying squeaky
• little cart had disappeared from the halls.”
•  Her death was mysterious, she can see other ghosts, nobody can see her, she loved music at some point
•  The development of conflict is really more so a development into Marie’s curiosity about Mr. Evans’ death. She sees his ghost in the first blog, but doesn’t realize what he is saying until the second blog. This shows she curious and progressing
•   “How did you die?” “Why are you still at the Maitland? What’s keeping you there?”
• Maybe give more insight into what she looks like, e.g. how old was she when she died (this way we can figure out more so how she died).

Halle Maze

1. “I work as an accountant, but I hired my own personal assistant to do the work for me for 20% of the income. I have better and more important things to worry about.”

• This sentence assists in characterization because it shows Halle is very intelligent, but uses her intelligence in a deceitful, sneaky way.
2. “Many would consider it hacking, but I call it a form of expressing your intellectual computer genius in a world with such cruelty.”
• This sentence shows that Halle is also a hacker, aside from being an accountant. She also uses rationalization to account for her actions.
3. “After spending about two hours getting ready, I finally stepped out of my complex. I opened the driver's door to my deep blue toyota camry and sat there procrastinationg and pondering about my job and if I would still be alive in about a month from now.”
• This sentence show that Halle cares about her appearance and isn't very motivated or passionate about her actual job.
• “There on the kitchen table lies a big, orange envelope neatly sealed, just waiting for me to rip it open.”
• It is revealed that Halle is paranoid and startles easily  
• Halle has a conflict because she is being informed in some way about Mr. Evans death and she is being haunted by envelopes with photos of him tied up with a gun to his head I would ask Halle why she seems concerned about her own mortality. Why does she think she does not have long to live? Is she old? 
• I would recommend developing Halle’s character more. Also, pay attention to the common elements - in the second blog, the characters were supposed to address whether or not they were going to the concert. By connecting to these common events then it will be easier to characterize. In general, the two blogs have indicated what Halle does but not much about her as a person.

Yorick Hubert
“Fate had always had such a negative connotation with him, with his misfortunes regarding his wife and child. But now, in this new town, where everyone always seemed upset, unhappy, he finally felt content.”

• He hasn’t always been an unhappy person. There was a glimpse into his past, when he and his sister were swinging outside.
• Yorick’s reality is mostly unhappy, because of the death of his wife and child. But he is finding ways to find joy again.
• Why does Yorick find happiness so surprising and unknown? Also, what happened to his wife and child?
• First, I recommend fixing the format of the first blog, it is kind of hard to read. Regarding the content of the blog, I would recommend providing some kind of insight into what happened to his wife and child, so you can develop his sense of unhappiness more. Also, I would recommend maybe adding a physical description of Yorick, and more details about the building so the reader can get a better feel for the environment.

Owen Silva:"After his shift ended at midnight, Owen began his short albeit rainy trek home. As he hurried down Oak St, he saw figures lurking, only to realize he was looking at trees." 

“At midnight. Alone. Selling… girl scout cookies?”
I feel like this “sentence” establishes how Owen thinks and sets up an informal way of thought and speech. It shows the reader a little more about who Owen is. It is his train of thought as he connects the dots to try to solve the issue at hand.
“The stupid jump scares were getting to him”
In my opinion, this sentence is the least forced of the entire entry. Most of the sentences have upwards of 2 or 3 unnecessary superlatives; however, this sentence is simple and offers insight into the character. Because he believes he is mature and shouldn’t be so shaken by the scares, the sentence illustrates more into how Owen views himself.

“It had begun as a game to bide their seemingly endless time while working
(and a way for Owen to keep his mind off of his movie star sister), but had evolved into a high
stakes competition.”It is shown that Sayori is, in fact, a supernatural entity. Or, at the very least,
Owen is quick to believe that could potentially be the case with what was happening.
It also introduces the fact that Owen is competitive in nature due to his relationship with Ron.

• Owen faces conflict internally, with the fear of Sayori and his conflict involving his relationship with his sister. Externally, Sayori’s potentially following him.
• I would ask why he works at somewhere where he cannot escape his sister, who he hates? Why does he believe Sayori’s inhuman so quickly instead of being skeptical?
• I personally really enjoy the blog, Owen is fun as a perspective to read from. However, I feel that while your blog is definitely good, details can be expanded upon.